Excuse me while I vacuum up the dust in my blog . 

Ahahaha .

I'M OFFICIALLY 16 GUYS !

Half legal .

And hmm let me share with you what happened on my birthday,

in a timeline sort of way ;)

19 December (Eve of my Birthday) -

Addy, Jannah and Syafiq actually persuaded me to go to Mama Noi's house,

Addy and Syafiq gave this 'Mama Noi was sick' reason,

Jannah told me it was Addy's cousin: Shalyna's birthday !

I eventually went there and no, Mama Noi wasn't sick haha,

they just had a 'December babies' celebration thing,

so it was a belated birthday celebration for Jannah, Ayee and Evee (Their caretaker),

a birthday celebration for Shalyna and an advanced celebration for me :)

Hehe, thanks to Mama Noi and the rest for including me in this and thanks

to Nurin for the birthday gift !

20 December (My Birthday !) -

I turned 16 !!!!

Addy took me to Wild Wild Wet cause I've never been there before

and I was wanting to go swimming !

We went on the Lazy River, the 'Ooh La-la' ride, the Tsunami and the Jacuzzi pool :)

Hesitated to ride the new 'Torpedo' thing cause it looked really scary, haha .

It was drizzling when we got there, not really the ideal weather we hoped for but 

it still went well and I'm thankful, alhamdullilah :D

After dinner at McDonalds, we headed back to BM .

Met Faris and Hazziqah there and we just .. sort of casually hanged out for

a good 20 minutes until Addy and Faris had to use the restroom,

leaving me and Iqa alone .

We were having our normal girl chats UNTIL

Addy's friend, Azrul ran to us, claiming that Addy had been picked up by a police van .

I swear I somehow thought it was real until Faris came back and was somewhat smiling,

like Faris, how can you smile knowing your bestfriend is being taken away to god knows where !

I was convinced; that this was some sort of joke .

I took out my phone and I was ready to diall Ibu Lynn's number hahahaha !

Just when I turned,

Addy came out from nowhere, holding a Christmas log cake (supposingly my birthday cake)

tailed by his friends, singing the birthday song .

No words can express how surprised I was hahaha,

I was not expecting this 'surprise' at all !

Usually I'd have a clue cause Addy is one to spoil surprises but this was

a winning one haha .

You know that really awkward and blushing moment when people are singing you a birthday

song and you just don't know where to look or what to do so you just stand there

and look awkwardly at everyone .

That was me back there .

I felt like crying ahahaha I was so happy,

it was getting emotional and crazy but I held back my tears and just smiled,

blinked alot so the tears wouldn't spill out,

it wouldn't be pretty if I were to cry in front of this crowd .

I was then told to sit down and make this speech thing while Faris sat in front of me,

camcording with Ayee's phone .

And just when he pressed 'Record' and told me to start my speech,

A necklace just went over me and around my neck,
I finally realized that Addy was putting on a necklace on me and there

you have it, my 2nd surprise of the day !

Embarrassing cause my reaction was recorded ahha, but I'm happy Faris

recorded it cause it's like this really sweet moment that I can replay and watch

as many times as I want to .

We then cut the cake and passed it around for everyone to have some,

then Addy passed me a small pink box and in it was a pair of earrings !

Also, a mini red-velvet nutella cake that he was saving to give me .

So that day, I got to go swimming at Wild Wild Wet,

Got a birthday cake/surprise,

Got a necklace, a pair of earrings and another mini cake .

It was all too much in one day,

took me like afew hours to take in what had just happened to me .

I cried in the bus ride on the way home,

it was all too sweet and especially cause no one has ever done this for me .

A massive thanks to everyone who made this happen,

this is probably the best surprise ever :)

And a whole universe of thanks, hugs & kisses to my amazing boyfriend for

the best birthday ever , I love you so much ♥ ♥ ♥

Alhamdullilah ♥

Hey guys !

So yesterday I logged on my ask.fm ( yea after soooooo long ! )

I just wanted to check if there are any questions or whatsoever

but I wasn't allowed to answer ANY ,

Why ? I'll explain later .

Anyways, there were 14 questions ! 

And as I scrolled down, there was a question that had me staring at it,

re-reading every single word for like five minutes .

Here :

Yea . That question actually bothered me a-lot and not being able to answer it

made me feel a-lot worse !

So I figured, since I couldn't answer it there, on my ask.fm,

why not answer it here ? 

So here is my answer :

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S ACTUALLY GOING ON SO

Let me tell you:

"Why are u always out with Addy and his friends ?"

First of all, you make me sound like a terribly clingy brat,

I mean I am clingy but not terribly to the extend that I will

always find the need to be there whenever Addy chills with his boys !

That's ludicrous !

I only get to see Addy two times a week, sometimes three, sometimes once,

sometimes, not at all .

We have lifes to live .

So he spends most of his time with his friends okay .

And the thing is that on that two days of the week he gets to see me,

he would take me along to chill with his friends again .

No, I did not choose to be there and I don't actually have a choice either,

if I want to spend time with Addy, I'll have to spend time with his friends too .

Sometimes, I feel sad that Addy does this .

It's like I couldn't spend just one whole day with him alone,

like one whole day without having his friends around .

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't like his friends

or I have something against them, no .

They're actually really fun to be with, they're friendly, funny,

I like them but

sometimes I wish I could spend some 'alone' time with Addy .

Just him and me, 

talking or laughing or playing our silly games .

There are times we planned to catch a movie together or go out for lunch or something

and I would feel really happy, like yay,

finally it's just us .

Even if it's for an hour or two and even though we're still going to chill with his friends

later, atleast I get to spend time with him alone .

It's still okay, better than nothing ~

But at the very last minute, he would call me or text telling me that

a friend would like to tag along and it just brings my whole mood down .

I just wanna say "Can it just be us ? Just this one time, please ?"

But I can't cause I don't want to upset your friend and make them think like I'm

taking you away from them :/

So I had to say yes .

Worse thing is that on our monthsaries, you'd bring them along too .

A monthsary is a day where it's suppose to be only me and you .

If it's on any other normal, casual day, I really don't mind your friends tagging along .

I'm all fine .

They're fun and nice, bring them . 

Bring the whole block if you want to, I really don't mind ,

but if it's our monthsary,

can't it be just us ?

It's just one day in one whole freaking month,

can't you spend that 5-6 hours with me alone ? :/

You can see your friends after, do whatever you want,

I really don't mind ,

but just on that day , just that few hours :/

I know most of the time, you'd persuade your friends to join us and that upsets me,

like why ?
Don't you want to spend time with me alone ?

Am I that boring that you have to have one of your buds around to keep

you entertained ?

Don't ask me why I think that way .

I just do ,

With the way you're acting, it makes me think that way .

And sometimes I hate myself for not being a good girlfriend .

You'd always tell me that they wanted to tag along,

it's them and not you .

Frankly speaking, your friends are really reasonable people,

and they're understanding .

They would understand that it's our Monthsary and they're not suppose to tag along 

because it's an 'us' day .

Not an 'us+him' day, not an 'all of us' day .

They know that and I know they're not the ones to bug in on special days ,

unless it's a casual day,

that I understand .

You should stop telling me that, it leaves a bad impression on them,

and now as you can clearly see,

people are starting to view me as a clingy girlfriend like

 "Oh, you want to hang out with your friends ? I'll come"

"You want to go out with the boys ? I'll join you"

"You wanna have a boys day with your mates ? Make it a boys+1 girl day"

That's really f*cked up I swear .

And it's bothering me cause people don't actually know what's really going on

here .

Sigh ......................

P.s; I wasn't active or allowed to answer my ask.fm cause 

my mama and Addy banned me from doing so ,

Haha, they find ask.fm mean, irrelevant and hurtful ,

after reading all 14 questions, I think I finally got why

they banned me from using ask.fm haha .

It caused me and Addy to fight and it wasn't a good thing blehhh :/

Not much words from me today .

Just pictures .

Relatable to me rn .

Is that my boyfriend ? Hahaha yesss it is ><

It's November 15, #DelayedUpdate :)

Yesterday was my 5th Monthsary with Addy !!!

We didn't actually go out to 'celebrate' it,

We went to the Hospital instead to visit Mama Noi :)

Get Well Soon Mama Noi !

She probably won't see this haha but whatever, IN CASE haha .

And Addy got me :

YES ONE DIRECTION'S PERFUME .

We actually argue every now and then over Union J and One Direction,

debating on whose better and whyyyy,

He dislikes it whenever I get all gaga over my boys,

but he still bought me their perfume cause he knows I love them so muchhhhhh,

 gah .

I don't know how to thank you; haha ><

He is such a sweety-pie HAHA

I've never used that word but hahahahahahahaha, it's true !

I loooOOOOOooooOOooOoOoooove you :*

-

And today, 15 November,

Went to watch Addy's performance at the Recreational Centre .

He did great, as usual,

and then there was Syuki !!!!!

Like yay, been ages since I last met her,

and Hazziqah too, since she started working, da jarang nampak la kan ?

Haha, had a great catch up sesh with them,

hope to see them again soon !

Andddd I miss Addy,

eventhough we just met afew hours ago, sighhh bye .

Today I went to Maal Hijrah at Expo with Jannah, Ibu Lynn, Addy,

Embak Zah, Zul and Syuqree .

So I woke up at like 2 in the afternoon I think ?

Cause I slept at 6 or 7 in the morning,

I was deprived of sleep .

Haha, ironed Mama's work uniform for her then went to shower

and get ready .

I was struggling to put on my tudung cause I'm a first timer with this thing

and I didn't know how to bind it and wrap it around your head and all that ><

I ended up watching a tutorial on youtube, how embarrassing .

Hahaha, I met Jannah first outside Tamp 1's Esprit then we went to the restrooms

to adjust our tudung .

It's so unfair how Hazziqah and Jannah could pull off the 'tudung' look but I can't :(

Anyways, today was enjoyable and I've learnt many things,

Jannah and I developed a little crush on Ustaz Asyraf HAHA

My gosh, he's just so handsome and funny and alim and young !

We'll be attending his Saturday classes yay

All I can say is that today went well, alhamdulillah and

thank you so much to Ibu Lynn for inviting me to tag along for this event :)

Anyways, I'm home and I'm tired and just asdfghjkl

nights

I hate it when it's 3am and I'm still wide awake .

I tend to do stupid things to hurt myself .

No, not physically but mentally, emotionally .

I will find anything from the past or things that I'm actually not suppose

to care about anymore and hurt myself with it .

Like I know if I read or go through it,

my heart will start to ache and break and bleargh .

I try to fight myself and avoid me from doing it but no,

some nights, my mind works stronger than my heart and ta-da,

night ruined .

Someone, please stop me :/

I hate doing this to myself yet I can't stop .

A lot of people wonder why I don't like to take pictures .

Like a group photo for example;

I'll always insist on taking the picture for them or I'll find any other

last-minute reason just to get behind the camera .

See, I'm really insecure about myself on pictures .

I don't really look good on them and it concerns/bothers me about

what other people will think when they see me in that certain picture .

" Ew, ugly "

" She spoils the picture "

" This one here is fat, gross "

I could almost hear them all from your minds .

I think I'm scared of camera lenses and stuff, is that even legit ?

Every time someone wants a picture with me and we have

a third person snapping it for us,

I feel uneasy, uncomfortable and I feel like I just want to cry .

My lips/smile would start to quiver and my hands will tremble .

It sounds dramatic but it happens !

I just get really self-conscious and my heart palpitation rapidly increases .

It's the same effect I have when I'm in a crowded place .

I just can't have pairs of eyes looking at me for more than 30 seconds .

I will feel anxious and I will start to panic .

Like what are you looking at ?

Is there something on my face ?

Is my hair messy ?

Am I too ugly to be within your sight ?

Stop . Looking . At . Me

Go away .

Or Look somewhere else like that 50% off sale discount sign .

Just don't look at me .

Every time someone looks at you for more than 30 seconds,

they're only thinking TWO things .

Either; 

" Wow, she's so beautiful "

OR 

" Who let that dog out ? Ew "

And I always assume it's the second one .

I've been told I was ugly and slowly I've gotten myself

to believe I am .

And I live my life by that .

Anyways back to topic,

the only times I would actually take a picture is when I'm alone,

selfies yay .

Because no one's there to watch or judge .

Or when I'm with my close friends or people who I'm comfortable with,

but in a quiet area where there is no one watching us of course .

Other than that, it's a no from me .

Ahha, anyways it's late, I should head to bed,

Nights :)

This .

I'm freezing, literally shivering .

I'm not sure what temperature my air conditioner is on

but okay whatever

Today was great,

Actually, any day spent with Addy is great ahaha .

I met him in the evening and we parted at exactly 12 in the morning .

That's more than 6 hours but just 6 hours with him is not enough :(

Honestly wished you could stay alittle longer but it's late and yea,

curfews, pfffft .

I hate saying goodbyes, it's sad and annoying and bleargh .

I just hate it .

Especially when it comes to you .

If it were possible, I'd be with you 24 hours per day hahaha

okay I sound clingy and annoying AHHA

But it's true, unfortunately .

I am actually a very clingy person ( I wish you were too )

Haha, but you're not .

Either that or you're just not expressive .

Idk .

It's 4:22 am and I'm still awake,

what am I doing with my life idk

what am I doing with my health idk

what am I doing with my bodyclock 

idk either 

bye

This post is for my sidekick, Ami .

Heyyyyyyyyy Babygirl,

I just wanna say I miss you .

So so so so so so so so so so much .

And I feel really blessed to have you in my life .

You've been a really good friend to me, like seriously .

We fought, I left you, we hated each other at one point of time,

I skipped school and left you to face the cruel outside alone,

there's just so many things, so many ups and downs in our friendship 

but you've always been there for me .

I wanna apologize for not being a good friend to you .

I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most,

I lied to you, I stood you up, I hurt your feelings, et cetera .

I've wasted this whole year of 2013 I know .

I could've spent more time with you, I could've made so much more memories

with you but it didn't happen .

And I honestly regret everything .

But there's 2014 right ? And I promise you that it will change .

It will be better .

I want you to stop cutting yourself, you're too beautiful to do that .

You're laughing to yourself right now, thinking "What a fucking liar"

but no .

You look in the mirror everyday and pull yourself down,

I don't like that .

You can't trust what you see sometimes, Ami .

Mirrors don't show the real person inside .

The real beautiful, beautiful you .

You can't see it but I do .

And I know Syafiq KL does too HAHAHAHA 

you're going to punch me for this but HAHA can't help it .

Anyways, stop that for me okay ?

Once upon a time, I was just like you .

Whatever you did to yourself, I've already done it .

But I stopped, you see .

It was hard but if I can, you can too :)
And stop thinking that no one cares .

I care, Ami and I think you should know that .

If anything wrong ever happens to you, you know I would never

forgive myself .

So here's it ;

Number of people who care about Amirah : 1

and that is me .

And there might be so many other people out there caring for you and you

don't even know it .

I love you .

"Wherever you go, just always remember,

That you've got a home for now and forever,

And if you get low, just call me whenever,

This is my oath to you ."

Yes, I know I look horribly expressionless,

I was practicing my Halloween face, ahaha lame .

I wasn't ready for the picture okay now shhh

A little update,

I'm repeating another year of sec 3 .

Hell yea life .

I eventually accepted this .

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise,

welps, no one knows .

I'm also transferring to another school :)

Let's just hope I get accepted .

And ummmm yea, I'll be going for a night jog with Ami and Dian this

Sunday yay .

Andddd I'll be seeing my loveeee tomorrow !

Which is technically today since it's already 2:42AM 

Okay bye

Right now, I'm at my lowest .

I found out I was going to get retained in sec 3 again and obviously I didn't take it very well .

I cried buckets, I think I even cried a river, haha .

I didn't tell anyone about it,

well, Addy found out about it himself,

he has access to my twitter account and he saw Ami's direct message to me .

Yeah, Ami's direct message was one of the most heartbreaking messages

ever ;

" Babe, im sad to say this. But cikgu said you retain :'( you did well for your exams, but your attendance "

" Sigh but i hope they can do smth about it to make you get promoted "

Those two sentences was all it took to drown my whole world .

My hopes, my dreams and my future plans came crashing down .

I started to think back about where I went wrong .

I tried my best to come to school even though it wasn't the best attendance I could give, 

I got like up to four detention tickets this year, I didn't care if I was late,

(Usually I'd care, if I was like 5 minutes late, I'd give school a miss)

I studied at home, I did my revisions,

I had study sessions, I wasted people's time;

asking them for help to teach me the stuff I didn't understand .

I just don't get it, at all .

To 'Give Up' was what I wanted to do .

I wanted to stop schooling and just lock myself in my bedroom and die .

I'm such a huge disappointment .

I don't even know how to tell my parents that I am repeating a third year

in Secondary three .

Sure, my Dad would just be like "You can try harder next year"

but I know deep down, he's not okay with it at all .

Don't even get me started on my Mom .

I feel .. lamentable and guilty .

They raised me well, they fed me good food, got me the best things

and fulfilled all my requests and I couldn't even do just one thing

they wanted me to do; 

Which is to excel in life and be a useful and successful person .

I feel like I'm a waste of time, a waste of money and a waste of air .

I texted Ms Katijah, I begged her to do something about it but she said she has no

authority to 'do something about it' .

Though, she did tell me that it wasn't confirmed I was going to get retained next year

as I was already retained this year .

The school is deciding case by case .

That gave me a little ray of hope and a little tug on the lips to smile but

no one said to be happy about it .

I still don't know the actual result until Monday, which is tomorrow .

I hope I get promoted, I hope my prayers get fulfilled .

Positive thinking is all I can do now,

In shaa allah I'll get promoted .

Amin .

Oh, and so many love and thanks to Addy, Ibu Lynn and Ami for the 

support, motivation and 'cheer up's .

I feel blessed to have all of you in my life and I appreciate all the kind

words given . Thankyou xx .

Heyyyy .

It's the 15th of October alr so this is a delayed post I guess ?

Pretend it's still the 14th .

Ummm, Today is my 4th Monthsary with Addy , yay !

We went out to celebrate it I guess ?

We watched Insidious 2 !

I've always wanted to watch it and FINALLY .

So many thanks to Addy for bringing me to the movies;

andddd paying for my ticket and dinner even though I told him not to haha,

I wanted to sneak money in his wallet as to 'pay back' for

what he spent on me but I couldn't find a good excuse to get a hold of his wallet,

argh .

Guess I'll have to find another way to do so ?

Anyways, today was fun and awesome .

Got to see Addy after quite some time,

Gosh, I missed him so much,

sighhhh .

Okay, I'll end here, gotta head to bed :)

Anyways, Happy Eid Mubarak to all :)

Like yay, I finally took a decent picture .

And changed my twitcon and all after 45678 years .

Anyways, I didn't go to school today , welps .

Woke up late and yea, you know how I am .

Once lambat, forget it cause I don't want to serve detention ahaha

Today we were suppose to check our exam papers,

Amirah told me I did very well for my English .

Big YAY okay hahaha 

I hope I get promoted to sec 4 this year :/

Like seriouslyyyy taknak retain lagi please please please :(

Okay, in shaa allah tak retain okay ? 

Hehehe .

Also, my 4th monthsary with Addy is in 2 days !
Yay !

So hyped for it .

I feel so so happy, blessed and thankful to have Addy in my life .

And soon it will be December 10 which marks a year since we started talking .

So many good things to look forward to ;

Life is good .

No words can express how awful I feel right now .

I've accidentally deleted my previous blog .

Yep .

I'm as clumsy as that,

All my posts and pictures from 2012 :

Poof !

Gone within an accidental click .

How wonderful :/

So hey guys, this is my new blog . Yay :/