E f f ♥

A lot of people wonder why I don't like to take pictures .

Like a group photo for example;

I'll always insist on taking the picture for them or I'll find any other

last-minute reason just to get behind the camera .

See, I'm really insecure about myself on pictures .

I don't really look good on them and it concerns/bothers me about

what other people will think when they see me in that certain picture .

" Ew, ugly "

" She spoils the picture "

" This one here is fat, gross "

I could almost hear them all from your minds .

I think I'm scared of camera lenses and stuff, is that even legit ?

Every time someone wants a picture with me and we have

a third person snapping it for us,

I feel uneasy, uncomfortable and I feel like I just want to cry .

My lips/smile would start to quiver and my hands will tremble .

It sounds dramatic but it happens !

I just get really self-conscious and my heart palpitation rapidly increases .

It's the same effect I have when I'm in a crowded place .

I just can't have pairs of eyes looking at me for more than 30 seconds .

I will feel anxious and I will start to panic .

Like what are you looking at ?

Is there something on my face ?

Is my hair messy ?

Am I too ugly to be within your sight ?

Stop . Looking . At . Me

Go away .

Or Look somewhere else like that 50% off sale discount sign .

Just don't look at me .

Every time someone looks at you for more than 30 seconds,

they're only thinking TWO things .

Either; 

" Wow, she's so beautiful "

OR 

" Who let that dog out ? Ew "

And I always assume it's the second one .

I've been told I was ugly and slowly I've gotten myself

to believe I am .

And I live my life by that .

Anyways back to topic,

the only times I would actually take a picture is when I'm alone,

selfies yay .

Because no one's there to watch or judge .

Or when I'm with my close friends or people who I'm comfortable with,

but in a quiet area where there is no one watching us of course .

Other than that, it's a no from me .

Ahha, anyways it's late, I should head to bed,

Nights :)