E f f ♥

Right now, I'm at my lowest .

I found out I was going to get retained in sec 3 again and obviously I didn't take it very well .

I cried buckets, I think I even cried a river, haha .

I didn't tell anyone about it,

well, Addy found out about it himself,

he has access to my twitter account and he saw Ami's direct message to me .

Yeah, Ami's direct message was one of the most heartbreaking messages

ever ;

" Babe, im sad to say this. But cikgu said you retain :'( you did well for your exams, but your attendance "

" Sigh but i hope they can do smth about it to make you get promoted "

Those two sentences was all it took to drown my whole world .

My hopes, my dreams and my future plans came crashing down .

I started to think back about where I went wrong .

I tried my best to come to school even though it wasn't the best attendance I could give, 

I got like up to four detention tickets this year, I didn't care if I was late,

(Usually I'd care, if I was like 5 minutes late, I'd give school a miss)

I studied at home, I did my revisions,

I had study sessions, I wasted people's time;

asking them for help to teach me the stuff I didn't understand .

I just don't get it, at all .

To 'Give Up' was what I wanted to do .

I wanted to stop schooling and just lock myself in my bedroom and die .

I'm such a huge disappointment .

I don't even know how to tell my parents that I am repeating a third year

in Secondary three .

Sure, my Dad would just be like "You can try harder next year"

but I know deep down, he's not okay with it at all .

Don't even get me started on my Mom .

I feel .. lamentable and guilty .

They raised me well, they fed me good food, got me the best things

and fulfilled all my requests and I couldn't even do just one thing

they wanted me to do; 

Which is to excel in life and be a useful and successful person .

I feel like I'm a waste of time, a waste of money and a waste of air .

I texted Ms Katijah, I begged her to do something about it but she said she has no

authority to 'do something about it' .

Though, she did tell me that it wasn't confirmed I was going to get retained next year

as I was already retained this year .

The school is deciding case by case .

That gave me a little ray of hope and a little tug on the lips to smile but

no one said to be happy about it .

I still don't know the actual result until Monday, which is tomorrow .

I hope I get promoted, I hope my prayers get fulfilled .

Positive thinking is all I can do now,

In shaa allah I'll get promoted .

Amin .

Oh, and so many love and thanks to Addy, Ibu Lynn and Ami for the 

support, motivation and 'cheer up's .

I feel blessed to have all of you in my life and I appreciate all the kind

words given . Thankyou xx .